A number of years ago I was involved with a community group that had some issues. The people in charge behaved poorly (to put it mildly) in ways that hurt many people and it became a thing. During the latter stages of the problem, a friend was approached by someone in leadership and asked if they’d decided what they were going to apologize for.
My friend asked, “What do you mean?” The leader continued, “You know, what are you going to ask forgiveness for?” My friend asked, “Well what exactly did I do?” to which the leader responded, “You didn’t do anything but you need to make something up. It looks bad if the leader is the only one apologizing.”
My friend was left scratching their head and I was left scratching my head when they shared this. To say it another way, my friend had been harmed greatly by a leader and the only way that the powers that be would agree to any measure of accountability is if my friend would make up some way that they had harmed the leader.
If it wasn’t clear, the apologies in this situation were being setup as a show. The leaders that had enacted harm in this community didn’t have any real interest in apologizing. There was no desire to admit the wrong doing or how people had been specifically harmed. Instead they wanted a show so that things could be swept under a rug with the same leaders in charge and the people all around silenced and at risk.
The need for a scapegoat.
The powers that be, upon said power being threatened, needed a scapegoat and they needed it relatively quickly. The cleanest way to get it done was shifting focus off of the harm caused by the leader onto the one(s) pointing it out. It would both cast doubt on the charges brought forward as well as creating a path towards minimizing the real harm that was actually done.
If you’ve never heard of a scapegoat, it’s “one that is made to bear the blame of others.”1 Scapegoats are useful in shifting focus away from real problems and creating avenues of redemption (whether deserved or not) instead. In Christian theology for example, it’s the idea of a blameless Jesus taking the place of humanity. And - it tends to be the goto when us people perpetuate harm but have no interest in accountability or repair. This is especially true when we have the comfort of power and/or privilege because, as my friend above experienced, scapegoats can be manufactured. And when they are, opportunities for accountability and repair are minimized.
Accountability matters.
It shouldn’t need to be said but it does: accountability matters. Ideally we’d all be super self-aware and empathetic and innately in-tune with right and wrong and when we cross boundaries. But the reality is that none of us are. Accountability keeps us in check. It’s a very real social pressure that protects us from ourselves and more importantly: the vulnerable from the worst we have to offer.
Accountability also happens at all levels of engagement: private, small spaces and public spaces. The nature of the harm and the reaction of the one causing harm most often dictates how best to seek accountability. A general rule of thumb though:
- You can probably start one to one with individual private issues BUT
- Public issues where people are harmed in public should be addressed in public for the sake of the harmed. The offenders feelings do not matter more than the victims and an important part of repair is insuring that the victims name/reputation/right-to-be is prioritized.
Offenders push for one-to-one accountability where it can be easily ignored, downplayed and minimized but that only serves themselves while creating further avenues for harm for the victim. I’ve been watching this dynamic play out over the past week in an internet situation:
A developer posted about being “canceled” because of an email they got of someone dropping their services and people rushed to said developers defense, including someone calling the former customer a “jackass”. When this group were called out by another party for poor behavior (particularly since the full story of the customer wasn’t being related), attention shifted by some of this group to the one seeking accountability. The customer was even blamed when she shared more of her story, after days of this going on and being labeled as a jackass.
A scapegoat was needed to avoid accountability.
An Aside On Canceling
It’s important to note that accountability is not canceling. The customer had her own legitimate reasons for leaving said developer but wasn’t calling other people to. I’m not sure she would have publicly said anything if not for the public comments about her. No one was publicly trying to cancel the developer.
On Repair
When we seek out scapegoats to avoid accountability it seriously neuters any chance of repair. Repair is what this is all supposed to be about - creating some sense of wholeness where it is broken. I’m speaking from my heart there rather than any specific definition. Perhaps more practically it’s making sure relationships are made right because we’ve:
- not avoided accountability through scapegoating those seeking said accountability
- actively listened to those we’ve harmed
- taken the steps the harmed highlight in order to bring wholeness.
I’m hoping you can see how integral accountability is to the very potential of repair. It’s how we are able to make a more just world. It’s through forcing accountability into the shadows where it can be ignored that the wholeness fractures more.
I want to live in a world where my friends aren’t manipulated into making up things to apologize for to assuage the fragile egos of harmful people. I want to live in a world were people can lean into the words of others and learn to be better. I want to live in a world moving towards wholeness because we all take steps towards wholeness by dropping our defense and listening to the harm we cause (without blaming those that point it out). It’s a tough sell I realize but I think it’s one worth working towards.